Posted by: Zane Maser | March 17, 2010

MENDING

Pain is the custodian of our undiscovered treasures.
. . . Suffering is the footstool of our divinity.

Dane Rudhyar, astrologer and prolific writer

Like the gradual and steady knitting together of a broken bone, my heart, too, is mending. Slowly, surely, tiny filaments are weaving and “setting” a different scope of life. It’s been almost three months now since our Zoe cat passed on. After any major loss or significant change, the new life takes its own emotional time to once again feel like there is meaning and fullness.

As the distinct bones in the body do, different people take varying lengths of time to heal and regain strength. For one, it depends on how bad the break is and what sort of magnitude the loss represents to the individual. For another, is the break or death compounded by additional, fresh losses that required still further relinquishments, either with grace or screaming in protest? Mine was a major, multiple loss. Zoe and my mother died a mere four months apart, ending two significant cycles in my life.

Last week, I passed over another “anniversary” point—my birthday. Saddened, no birthday card arrived with my mom’s familiar small script on the envelope, wherein was secreted her small talk about the weather and other seemingly insignificant matters. The ritual gone, no such birthday card will ever show up again in this lifetime. It’s sobering to my mind and heart, yet its emotional starkness is a potential blessing.

This very moment of breath and life, so quickly present and as quickly fled, is all I possess. My reaction to the here and now can be either to embrace it as a precious gift or take it for granted, idly wasting it as though there are an infinite number of moments yet to experience in this life. One never knows, however, what this day or tomorrow may bring. My mother fell on her 83rd birthday, a terrible slip of the foot that ended her life six days later. This moment is it. Ram Dass enshrined this truth with the title of his 1971 bestselling book, “Remember Be Here Now.”

When something in our outer life or the outer world disappears, an opportunity to explore inner terrain arises. The incremental mending commences out of sight. We begin to tap interior sources—those “undiscovered treasures”—we never knew we had, those ones that were heretofore so readily available, unbeknownst to us, before we were stopped in our tracks by a death or some other big trauma or loss.

Since our mom’s death, my sister (with powerful Pluto sitting at the mountaintop of her natal chart at the most visible Midheaven) has become a potent force of self-determination by unearthing a strong backbone she never fully experienced until now! Her hidden gold—transformative Pluto—has come out of the inner depths in a self-empowering way. In her journey of healing in moments of sheer darkness and pain-filled sobbing that shook her body, she has dried the tears long enough for a gaze into the mirror of her true self to realize she is a woman of formidable (in the best sense) capability and potential. Anyone with natal Pluto at the Midheaven has such an evolutionary agenda! Her remarkable mending has been a magical process to behold!

A salutary stroke of my own restorative process has been the recent times I’ve awakened, out of a sound sleep, to hear a distinctive “meow.” I heard Zoe’s meows a couple of times last week as the mystical Pisces New Moon neared, the lunar lady sharing the heavens with both Mercury and Uranus in Pisces—the spiritual trio thinning the veils considerably between worlds. In another recent, savored moment in the bathroom, I felt the familiar wisp of a kitty gently rub my left leg. I looked down in my sleepy haze, fully expecting to see Zoe, until I realized we had shared the same moment but in two different vibrational spaces. Clearly, the doorknob of inner sight is on my earthly side of the veil. For Zoe, however, she was with me as always. No real change for her—a notion that continues to soften and mend my heart.

At my last, annual physical exam, my favorite doctor concluded that Chris and I lead an “exemplary life.” Thus, he gets to examine up close and personal the physical and spiritual effects of what has been by what is now in its outworking on the material level of health. In my day-to-day healing, we do live a different life since Zoe is not physically present with us to love and care for. When at last there is not a shred of resistance left in me to the life we now lead, I will know that I am fully mended. Our life remains exemplary, full, and with its profound meaning.

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Similar Offerings:

• Sacred Ashes

• The Cup Called Mother (discusses facets of the Moon)

• Every Moment Is A Gift

• Shrouded in “A Dark Night”

• Life Survives

• Families in Spirit

• Resilience

• A Consentful Life


©

Text © by Zane Maser, 2010. Butterfly photo gratefully used from Wikimedia Commons, attributed to Andreas Eichler. All rights of Zane Maser and SunnyCat Astrology reserved worldwide.

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My editorial guru and technological wizard is Chris Maser, my delightful husband.


If you are interested in an astrological consultation and/or a specific question answered by a horary chart, please visit SunnyCat© Astrology.



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